


Commiseration

by Natsume Gekka (athenianAcolyte)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Body Horror, Hanahaki Disease, Love Confessions, M/M, Requited Love, Unrequited Love, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athenianAcolyte/pseuds/Natsume%20Gekka
Summary: One morning, Hinata Shoyo wakes up with a mouthful of flower petals. Even stranger? He doesn’t even know who it could be that he’s longing for.Tsukihina Week Day 2:Cliché (Hanahaki AU)/ Body Swap / Height DifferenceTsukihina Week Day 3:Unrequited/ Soulmates /Longing
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, and the other is implied but also endgame, if you know me by now you'll know which is which, one of these is endgame, one these is onesided
Comments: 5
Kudos: 119
Collections: TsukiHina week 2020!





	Commiseration

**Author's Note:**

> This one was such a long one to write that I decided to consider it my contribution for days 2 and 3 of Tsukihina week. Hanahaki AU is totally a cliché, right? I heavily referenced hanakotoba, so please have [this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakotoba) page open while reading for subtext reasons.

One morning, Hinata Shoyo wakes up with a mouthful of flower petals and no idea why. He spits out one of the strange petals, balancing the delicate leaf in his hand. It looks like a bird in flight, ready to take off from his palm. As he runs to the bathroom to vomit out the birdlike white petals, the first thing he asks himself is how could this have happened. He’s heard of Hanahaki Disease before - it’s practically a staple of the dramas his mother loves to watch - but it’s supposed to be incredibly rare. So rare that many people write it off as an urban legend made up to give substance to unrequited love rather than a legitimate medical mystery.

Yet here he is, puking flowers. Even stranger? He doesn’t even know who it could be that he’s longing for. 

A loud persistent banging at the bathroom door interrupts Shoyo’s thoughts. He quickly flushes the toilet to hide the evidence of his affliction.

“Nii-chan! What’s going on in there? Are you taking a dump?”

“No! Wait, I mean yes! Yeah, that’s what it is!”

“You should eat more fiber, then!” Natsu scolds through her giggles. 

Shoyo hears her footsteps against the wood floor and her voice getting further away as she warns him to hurry up. Once he can no longer hear Natsu, Shoyo slides to the floor with his head buried in his hands.

When did he develop feelings for someone? Sure, he’s always been infamously bad at paying attention to his body’s needs, but he thought something like being in love would be different. Add on the fact that it’s unreturned, and now he’s just confused. How can someone be unaware of being in love yet somehow know that it’s unrequited?

Natsu’s knocking returns him back to reality. He ignores Natsu’s admonishments to get out and eat breakfast as he thinks about what to actually do. 

As he gets ready for the day, Shoyo comes up with his plan. First, he’ll find who his mystery crush is. Next, he’ll confess his feelings to her. Finally, she’ll turn him down. He’s not looking forward to that part, but the sting of rejection should be enough to squash any feelings, and hopefully cure him of his disease. At least, he hopes it does.

It’s foolproof, except for the part of figuring out who he likes. Shoyo has no idea what it means to be in love. The fact that he managed to fall anyway has him ruminating on every cliche related to love that he’s heard from other people or in movies. 

“Someone who makes my heart beat like ‘buh-bump buh-bump’ or makes my stomach go ‘fwoosh-fwoosh,’ right? How hard could it be to find someone who makes me feel like that?” he murmurs to himself.

* * *

He discovers that same morning that in fact, it’s very hard.

The disjointed bits of flower floating on the surface of the toilet’s water are light pink. They’re larger than the petals he coughed up that morning, and he’s not sure if that’s a good sign. As he gags on a large clump stuck in his throat, he wonders if he’s going to die choking on flowers.

He spits out a large lotus pod. 

As Shoyo takes deep panting breaths from nearly choking to death, he reflects on the morning’s revelations. He’s certain he doesn’t have feelings for any of the girls in his class. He supposes it was a bit much to intently study every girl who enters the classroom. But still, overhearing some of the mean gossip about his creepy staring was more than enough to dash any feelings for those girls, requited or otherwise. Yet he’s still vomiting flowers.

_ ‘There’s got to be someone else. Someone from another class? An underclassman? A teacher? Volleyball?’ _

It all clicks. Volleyball. Why didn’t he think of it sooner? The sport that makes his heart beat fast with excitement, and his face flush with exhilaration. Even now he still sometimes gets butterflies before games. 

All symptoms of being in love. It makes sense then that he wouldn’t realize his feelings at first if that person was connected to volleyball.

That means it has to be Yachi. She’s the only girl he can think of that he’d associate with volleyball. Plus she’s kind of cute, right? As for the unrequited part, it’s easy to see how he’d come to that conclusion from watching Yamaguchi’s interactions with Yachi. It’s clear that the team captain crushes hard on their manager, and Yachi seems pretty receptive to his advances.

Shoyo vomits out more pink petals. In any case, he knows what he has to do now.

\---

The end of the day couldn’t come fast enough. While volleyball practice is usually the highlight of Shoyo’s days, he’s particularly anxious this afternoon. He knows it’s bad when Kageyama notices.

“What’s the matter with you?” the raven-haired boy snaps.

“What!? Nothing! Everything’s great! It’s all coming up roses!”

Shoyo knows he’s talking too much and too fast to sound sincere. But the fact that he couldn’t even convince Kageyama tells him just how bad it was.

“Look, whatever it is, get it over with before practice starts. It’s not going to do any of us any good if you’re going to be off for games.”

With that, Kageyama stalks off. Shoyo isn’t too far behind him, running with a different kind of urgency. His eyes scan every inch of the gym for any sight of Yachi. He has to remind himself it might take a while for her to get there and that he should focus on practice for now. But as an anxious teenager who might be dying of a mysterious floral illness, it’s a Herculean task. When she finally arrives, Shoyo drops all that he’s doing - to Coach Ukai’s consternation - to approach her.

“Yachi!” he shouts as he runs over to her.

“Aaahh, Hinata! You surprised m-”

“Yachi, I think I like you! Go out with me!”

“Huh!?”

The entire gym goes dead silent.

That’s when Shoyo realizes: one, he should have asked Yachi to talk in a private place. Two, he had shouted out his confession. In the middle of practice. In front of the entire team.

He can feel his face heat up from embarrassment. 

The mortification was too much for poor Yachi. Even as she tries to stammer out a response, Shoyo could see she’s losing consciousness fast. He manages to catch her before she could hit the ground. But as his luck would have it, he could feel the distinctive tingle of petals creeping up from the back of his throat. He could only stare as fluffy white petals spill over Yachi’s prone body. He considers grabbing them up before anyone could see, but that hope disappears when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Come with me,” says a cold voice.

He has no choice but to comply.

* * *

In the immediate aftermath of his actions, Shoyo had only expected two people to be angry at him: Kageyama and Coach Ukai.

So why is it that Tsukishima is the one yelling at him?

“Idiot! You absolute idiot! What the hell were you thinking? Were you even thinking?”

Tsukishima’s ranting is not unfamiliar to Hinata. But there’s something different about his anger this time that feels… personal. It seems to have him on edge too, if his pacing about the club room is anything to go by.

“Are you mad because I might have hurt Yamaguchi’s feelings?” Shoyo chances when Tsukishima slows down to take a breath. 

“This isn’t about Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima snaps a bit too quickly. He takes a deep breath through his nose before continuing on.

“It’s about the fact that you’re acting so recklessly when you’ve got Hanahaki.”

Shoyo’s heart stops. He could only gape at Tsukishima like a deer caught in the headlights.

“You saw.”

“I covered it up for you. I convinced everyone that you tried to woo her with flowers.”

Shoyo gives a sigh of relief.

“What are you acting so relieved for?! Your problems are far from over! Did you really think confessing to Yachi would solve the problem? Were you hoping she actually reciprocated? Even with physical proof that she doesn’t?!”

“Well, no actually.”

Tsukishima stops his pacing and stares at Shoyo in confusion.

“Huh?” he asks flatly.

“You see, the strange thing is that I don’t know who I even have feelings for.”

“Huh?” Tsukishima repeated, this time vigorously.

“So my idea was to confess my feelings to whoever it was that I think I have feelings for and hope that the rejection would be enough to make my feelings disappear and then, POOF! No more Hanahaki!”

Tsukishima’s silence says more than anything he could have vocalized.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Tsukishima?”

“Nothing. It’s just that I didn’t think you were that much of an idiot.”

“Hey! I thought my plan was pretty good!”

“Hanahaki doesn’t work like that, Hinata,” Tsukishima says with a sigh. He pinches the bridge of his nose.

“How would you know?” Hinata quips.

“Hanahaki Disease is the result of unrequited feelings. If anything, a rejection would worsen your condition. The only way to get rid of it is either move on or get the surgery.”

“Oh…” Shoyo responds dumbly. 

“Is Yachi the only person you confessed to?”

“Yes,” Shoyo admits sheepishly.

“Good.”

“Good?!” 

“Did you think about what would happen if a girl accepted your confession and you were still vomiting flowers?”

“Oh… I guess not…,” Shoyo admits sheepishly.

“Go talk to a doctor. That’s probably your best bet at this stage. I’m going to tell Coach Ukai you’re not going to be well enough to play volleyball for a bit.”

“Hey, wait! Tsukishima!”

Tsukishima stops suddenly in his tracks. He doubles over as a sudden coughing fit overcomes him. When he finally stands back up, Shoyo sees a red flower sitting in the palm of his hand: a camellia bloom.

“You too…,” Shoyo realizes with a gasp.

Tsukishima doesn’t respond. Instead, he fixes Shoyo with a cold glare before slamming the door to the club room.

* * *

Shoyo wakes up the next morning with glimpses of his dream already disappearing from his memory. The only details he could remember was dying sunlight and the sensation of a heavy weight in his chest. The latter of which he’s experiencing right now.

He gets up to go to the bathroom, brushing off his symptoms as some form of heartburn. This early in the morning, the events of yesterday just feel like a bad dream. Hanahaki? What’s that?

That is, until he feels something damp and velvety underfoot. One look confirms his fears - a small pile of black lily petals had accumulated at the foot of his bed. Shoyo reaches into his mouth to peel out a single petal sticking to the roof of his mouth.

He sits down on his bed to consider his options. If he gets the surgery, this whole ordeal will be done with. He might be kept from playing volleyball for a bit to recover, but he won’t die. However, he’ll never know who it was he was pining for. 

On the other hand, if he continues keeping quiet about it, the disease will end up killing him slowly. The only way to avoid that would be to figure out who he likes and how to get over them.

He knows what the logical choice is, but Shoyo was never one to take the easy way.

At least he’s got someone else who’s suffering with him.

* * *

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask yet!” Shoyo fumes petulantly.

“I have an idea…”

Though he’s still barred from practice - at Tsukishima’s insistence no less - Shoyo had managed to lure Tsukishima away from the gym during morning practice to talk.

  
“Well if you know already, then why?”

“Because I don’t want to. That’s a good enough reason, isn’t it?”

Shoyo grits his teeth. If that’s how Tsukishima wants to play it, then it’s a good thing he has his trump card.

“Fine. I’m telling Yamaguchi then!”

Tsukishima narrows his eyes at Shoyo.

“How do you-?”

“Know Yamaguchi doesn’t know? The fact that you’re still allowed to play volleyball. I’m not that stupid and Yamaguchi isn’t that cruel!”

Shoyo notices Tsukishima’s gaze flit back into the gym briefly before firing back with a sneer.

“Are you really stooping to blackmail, Hinata? I honestly didn’t think you could get any lower. Is that even physically possible for you?.”

“It’s not blackmail! Think of it this way - if you help me find the person I like, maybe along the way we figure out a way to cure your Hanahaki. So there’s already something in it for you! Me not telling anyone else is just extra reward.”

“That’s the opposite of a reward, idiot.”

“I’m not hearing a no.”

Tsukishima sighs.

“What makes you think you and I are going to figure out a cure for a disease that most of the medical community is puzzled by?”

“I don’t know,” Shoyo replies with a shrug. “But it’s better than doing nothing.”

“So I help you find this poor girl you’ve fallen for. What then? Are you really going to waste time on this and die rather than actually getting treated?”

Shoyo fixes Tsukishima with a steely glance.

“I’d rather have the closure than die without knowing.”

Tsukishima shoots Shoyo a strange look. It chills Shoyo to the bone, though he’s not sure why. 

“Alright, fine,” Tsukishima finally says with a groan. “Meet me on the roof during lunch. We’ll want some privacy to discuss this.”

Shoyo isn’t sure why he feels a weird tickle in his chest at that, but it’s at least getting easier to suppress the coughing by now.

* * *

“Okay, let me get this straight…,” Tsukishima begins. The crease between his brow is furrowed deep and he looks like he’s swallowed an entire lemon. The same thing happens whenever Tsukishima has to tutor Shoyo on a topic that he has trouble grasping.

“You noticed the flower expulsion symptom yesterday morning. Prior to that, you were, as far as you know, asymptomatic. Correct?”

“Uh…”

“You had no other symptoms,” Tsukishima amends.

Shoyo nods in response.

“And so far it’s only been the petals?”

“Mostly. There was the lotus pod this one time.”

Tsukishima clicks his tongue as he writes down something in his notebook. Shoyo leans over to try to get a glance but Tsukishima hides his notebook closer to his chest.

“Well if it’s any comfort, you’re still in stage one. The lotus bit could be worrisome, but it’s not stage two until you’re vomiting whole flowers.”

Shoyo suddenly recalls the red camellia in Tsukishima’s palm yesterday.

“And what’s after stage two?”

Tsukishima heaves a weary sigh as he drags a hand down his face, jostling his glasses in the process.

“In a word, death.”

“Death!? At stage three?! Shouldn’t that be stage four or something?”

“Stage three is basically death. That’s when the foliage in your body grows so thick that it blocks all airways and destroys your lungs. Some people have recovered from late stage three Hanahaki, but not without some severe damage.”

“Okay, so I’m at stage one. What does that mean?” Shoyo asks anxiously.

“It could mean a lot of things. It’s so early and there’s so little research on Hanahaki that it’s hard to make any meaningful conclusions at this point.”

“That’s no help! I thought you were supposed to help me!”

“I’m trying to! It’s not my fault you stupidly contracted Hanahaki without even knowing who you’re pining for!”

Shoyo feels a mild tickle in his throat that comes up to his mouth. He spits out a single dark petal. Tsukishima looks at the offending particle with disgust.

“Ew…”

Shoyo turns over the petal in his hand, recognizing it as the same kind that he found that morning.

“Hey Tsukishima, what if the flowers mean something?” 

“Huh?” 

Tsukishima looks at Shoyo as if he’s said something particularly stupid.

“Well does the current research explain why people with Hanahaki vomit out certain kinds of flowers?”

Tsukishima opens his mouth to retort but shuts it soon after. He looks at the petal in Shoyo’s hand with interest. Shoyo swears he can see the gears turning in Tsukishima’s head.

“Let me see that…”

“You really want to touch this after it’s been in my mouth?”

“Of course not,” Tsukishima says with a snort, “I just want you to show it to me.”

Shoyo reluctantly extends his hand towards Tsukishima who grabs it roughly as he examines the petal in the center. Shoyo feels another strangle tickling within him, this time somewhere within his chest.

“This looks like a black lily.”

“Okay…?”

“Are you familiar with the language of flowers?”

“I’m barely passing English, as you of all people should know.”

Tsukishima shoots him a glare telling him exactly what he thought of his quip. The strange sensation in his chest withers instantly.

“So, do you-?”

“No,” Tsukishima interrupts, “but you might be onto something. Perhaps we should start documenting our symptoms. Things like emotional state, or events prior to a vomiting spell. And then take note of the flowers that come out… Why are you smiling like that?”

“You just said ‘we,’” Shoyo says with a grin. “Looks like you’re on board with this after all!”

Tsukishima rolls his eyes before turning to walk towards the door to the stairs.

“Hey, where are you going? We haven’t figured out who it is yet!”

“Lunch is about to end. We’ll just have to pick this back up again later. By the way…”

Tsukishima tosses a small medicine bottle to Shoyo, which he nearly fumbles.

“It’s a Hanahaki suppressant. It lasts only a couple of hours, but it should be enough to get you through practice.” 

Shoyo beams at Tsukishima.

“I’ll see you at practice. Let’s fight this together!”

He runs past Tsukishima with a quick word of farewell. Just before he closes the door to the roof, he turns around to see Tsukishima holding a yellow chrysanthemum in his hand. Yet the expression on Tsukishima’s face doesn’t seem upset. In fact, something like a small smile graces his features. Shoyo’s not sure what it means, but a smile spreads across his own face at the sight.

* * *

It doesn’t take long for the two boys to make a habit of meeting on the rooftop during lunch to discuss their findings. The first few days was simply discussing their symptoms and analyzing potential meanings from a book about flower language.

White egret flower, delicate. Lotus, purity. Black lily, cursed. White camellia, waiting. Red camellia, in love.

It all means very little to Shoyo, but Tsukishima seems to be making sense out of all of it. He always takes detailed notes in that little notebook he has. Of course, he refuses to let Shoyo take a look each time he asks. 

A week later is when Shoyo finally decides to pry deeper.

“Who was it for you?”

Tsukishima looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Oh c’mon!” Shoyo cries as he throws his arms up. “You know I’d tell you who it was for me if I knew!”

“The fact that you don’t know is the only reason we have this arrangement.”

Shoyo huffs. He’s not going to give up; Tsukishima will open up when pestered sufficiently.

“Well how long is it then?”

“Also none of your business.”

“It has to be a while, right?” Shoyo continues. “You’re in stage two, that’s like a few months down the line already.”

A thought passes that startles Shoyo. He knows Tsukishima can tell, since he’s looking at him expectantly.

“Well, out with it then.”

“Tsukishima, why haven’t you gotten the removal surgery?”

Tsukishima almost looks taken aback. As always, he recovers from the shock quickly and puts on an insincere smile. Shoyo can feel a sadness behind it.

“Hinata, have you heard of the side effects from the removal surgery?”

* * *

_ Kei supposed he was in love longer than he had realized. He had a lingering notion when he felt something like a vice grip his heart whenever he saw Yamaguchi blushing around Yachi. But when the coughing fits began, he knew he couldn’t delay it any longer. He had to nip it in the bud. _

_ It was a completely unplanned confession. It wasn’t a grand or dramatic gesture - that was never his style. But he wished it didn’t sound so casual coming out of his mouth as he and Yamaguchi were walking home, as if they were simply discussing weather.  _

_ What’s worse was Yamaguchi’s reaction. It was predictable at first: he startled as he processed Tsukishima’s words. The surprised look on his face was so adorably Yamaguchi. But after the initial shock had faded, Yamaguchi gave him a soft, pitying smile.  _

_ “Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says with a bow, “But I’m afraid I can’t accept your feelings. There’s someone else that I like.” _

_ That was his answer, as simple as that. No disgust that the confession came from a guy, much less his best friend of many years. No, Yamaguchi had accepted it gracefully and without judgment. As he straightened himself out, the expression on his face even looked guilty. Somehow, Kei thought it might’ve been better if Yamaguchi had rejected him, had called him gross or disgusting or something worse. At least that way it would have been easier to get over it. But Yamaguchi, sweet, loyal, his Yamaguchi could never do something like that. _

_ What other choice did Kei have but to fall deeper in love with him? _

_ The roots grew deeper into his heart and the flowers bloomed in his throat. _

* * *

“ _ All  _ feelings of love?!” Shoyo exclaims incredulously.

Tsukishima nods.

“The surgery, in addition to the plant matter, removes all feelings that you had for the person. Basically you’re left completely apathetic towards them. You can imagine how devastated some people feel when a close friend acknowledges them with the same level of familiarity as a stranger. Year long friendships, destroyed.”

Tsukishima adjusts his glasses.

“I’d rather die than let that happen.”

* * *

The next day, Tsukishima asks a question of his own.

“Hinata… have you considered the possibility that the person you’re in love with may not be a girl?”

Shoyo stops in his tracks. He told Tsukishima about his attempt at reaching out to friends from other schools the other night, and the subsequent dead ends.

“Not really…” he admits.

Tsukishima has this indecipherable look on his face again, the one that sends chills down Shoyo’s spine.

“Do you think… that maybe you have a crush on another boy?”

Shoyo thinks - and really thinks - about what Tsukishima is saying. It’s true that he hadn’t paid much thought about it. It was easy to assume that it was a girl he had feelings for because isn’t that how it is for everyone? But now that he thinks about it, most of his closest and most intense relationships were with other boys. 

He then wonders how it would feel to kiss another boy. He’s never kissed a girl before, but he doesn’t think it would be much different. In fact, what surprises Shoyo the most isn’t the fact that he isn’t averse to the idea, but rather that both possibilities - being in love with a boy or a girl - are equal in his mind.

“I… I guess it’s possible,” he mumbles.

Shoyo sits down as he tries to process the realization better. Has he been barking up the wrong tree all this time? Was the answer much closer than he thought all along? Is this going to change the dynamics he has with any of his friends? Shoyo buries his head in his hands.

“Oh, wow…,” he mutters to himself. 

“Are you done having your gay panic yet?” Tsukishima grouses.

“Give me a moment,” Hinata groans, “This has made everything better and worse.”

Tsukishima clicks his tongue.

“Welcome to the club,” he grumbles under his breath.

* * *

Something about their dynamic changed after that day. It was like a gate that was closed before quietly opened when they hadn’t noticed. They still meet to discuss their findings - recently it’s been nothing but freesias for Shoyo, a fact that Tsukishima enjoys teasing him about - but they don’t just talk about their condition anymore.

Shoyo finds himself talking more about his home life. Things like how Natsu is doing in school or the one persistent boar that chases him in the morning. Tsukishima in turn, starts sharing what he’s written in his notebook. It takes Shoyo by surprise when Tsukishima offers it to him for the first time.

“‘Gardenia=secret love?’ Why does your love have to be secret?” Shoyo asks. Tsukishima has his back turned to him, overlooking the school. He doesn’t answer Shoyo’s question right away.

“Hinata, do you know why I asked you about liking boys in the first place?”

The question surprises Shoyo. He looks down at his feet but isn’t sure why he feels so embarrassed.

“I just figured you’re smart like that to consider all possibilities. I didn’t want to assume…,” he trails off with uncertainty.

He walks over to the railing and looks out over the school yard, standing next to Tsukishima. They stay there in silence, Tsukishima with his gaze down at the ground and Shoyo watching the clouds pass by.

“It’s Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima finally says.

A moment of silence passes as Shoyo processes Tsukishima’s words. Then another. After several moments of Shoyo thinking, blinking owlishly as he does, he finally screams.

“Wait, what?!” Shoyo shouts. “You like Yamaguchi?! Team captain Yamaguchi?!”

“Will you shut up?” Tsukishima snaps, cheeks blazing. “Half the school has probably heard you by now!”

“I’m sorry! I just… I can’t seem to wrap my head around it, you know?”

“Not a surprise there,” Tsukishima deadpans. The smirk on his face, however, seems softer than usual.

“But I guess it makes sense!” Shoyo continues. “You two have been really close for years. Not to mention I always see you together. Thinking about it now, I’m surprised you weren’t already a couple!”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too…,” Tsukishima admits. There’s a breathy quality to his voice, almost like sighing. 

“We-well, if it helps any, Yamaguchi is really missing out! I can’t believe he doesn’t feel the same.”

“He’s straight as an arrow, Hinata. Not really a surprise.” 

Tsukishima clicks his tongue.

“Can’t believe I was so blinded by my feelings that I couldn’t see the obvious,” he says bitterly.

“H-hey,” Shoyo stutters. “You shouldn’t blame yourself. Love is a weird thing.” 

Shoyo licks his lips and continues on despite his nerves. 

“I mean, look at me! I don’t even know who I fell in love with! So I guess what I’m saying is that you shouldn’t feel too bad about it. Yamaguchi might not like you back in the same way, but maybe there’s someone else out there who can and will. And they won’t need any convincing that you’re the one.”

Tsukishima falls silent. Not that Tsukishima isn’t usually quiet, but there’s something unnerving about him right now. Shoyo worries for a second that he’s talked too much and annoyed Tsukishima. But he finally lets out a weary sigh.

“Or maybe I’m just as bad at confessions as you are.”

“Hey!” Shoyo snaps. His anger dissipates when he takes a look at Tsukishima.

He looks peaceful, but in the way someone looks when they’ve finally given up.

Shoyo looks back out at the horizon.

“So what do you think will happen to us now?”

“We die, I guess. Or I die at least. There’s still hope if we can find your mystery man.”

“Trust me, I’ve done a lot of thinking…”

“That sounds dangerous,” Tsukishima snarks. Shoyo makes a high-pitched whine of disapproval before continuing.

“I’ve probably had a crush on at least one member of each of the schools we’ve played against. Narrowing them down is next to impossible.”

“Oh please. You don’t know the meaning of impossible,” Tsukishima replies, gaze fixed on the horizon.

“Hey!” Shoyo bristles at first. Until he realizes the compliment hidden in Tsukishima’s words.

“Oh, uh thanks… I guess…”

They spend the rest of lunch break watching the clouds. The words they exchange in that time are few and short, but Shoyo finds something comforting in it for once.

He’s almost disappointed it has to end when the bell finally rings.

* * *

Tsukishima doesn’t show up the next day. Nor the day after that. Not helping matters is the fact that he doesn’t show up to practice either. When Shoyo corners Yamaguchi, the team captain looks a little on edge.

“Ah, well… it’s kind of private information…,” he begins nervously.

“Yamaguchi, please!” he begs. “We’re all friends now. I just want to know that he’s okay. Especially with the games we have coming up!”

Shoyo is particularly proud of himself for adding on that last bit. And for whatever reason, that seems to be enough to convince Yamaguchi.

“Don’t tell anyone else! I don’t want to upset the team, especially not the first years. Tsukki was admitted to the hospital a couple of days ago.”

Shoyo’s heart stops. It’s like the entire world has just stopped turning. He’s barely able to register the next words out of Yamaguchi’s mouth.

“He says it’s not serious, but he’ll need a couple of weeks to recover. So he’s going to be out for quite a bit. Hopefully he can be up to snuff in time for tournament season though!”

Shoyo wasn’t able to hear the rest. He quickly leaves the gym and runs out into the cold morning air, desperately looking for a bathroom. When he finally finds one, he shuts himself up in a stall and starts vomiting his guts out.

The red spider lilies float on the water’s surface, mocking him. 

* * *

As Yamaguchi said, Tsukishima returns two weeks later. It’s a quiet and uneventful affair, much to Shoyo’s frustration.

“So you just disappear for two weeks and don’t tell anyone?” he says to him as they line up for drills.

“I told Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima says frigidly.

“You know what I mean.”

Tsukishima ignores him as he runs up to spike. It’s infuriating, to say the least. But Shoyo thinks he does a good job of hiding it long enough to get through practice. As they’re cleaning up, Tsukishima finally approaches him again. 

“Come with me.”

Shoyo furrows his brow at the demand.

“No.”

“Please?”

Shoyo turns around abruptly, shocked at the fact that Tsukishima even has ‘please’ in his vocabulary.

“I… ‘m sorry…” he mumbles out. His nose is wrinkled in disgust, yet the faint traces of a blush dusts his cheeks.

Shoyo is confused to say the least.

“Oh… okay… Maybe we should take this outside?”

“Agreed.”

Shoyo deposits the balls he was carrying into a cart and asks a first year to finish cleaning up. With his duties thus delegated, Shoyo follows Tsukishima outside.

* * *

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Shoyo asks. 

It’s cold out. Shoyo shivers and pulls his jacket tightly around him. The first flakes of snow are beginning to fall.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, but it seems Yamaguchi and Yachi are something of an item.”

“Oh,” he responds. 

It’s the only thing he can say, seeing as he’s not sure how he should respond to news like that. First of all, he hadn’t noticed. Secondly, he’s not sure if he should give congratulations or condolences given Tsukishima’s feelings on the matter.

“That was my response too when Yamaguchi told me. Kind of underwhelming if you ask me. He’s had a crush on her since first year and only makes a move nearly halfway through third year?”

He scoffs.

“That being said, do you want to know the surprising part about it?”

“What?” Shoyo asks.

“Nothing happened.”

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Shoyo fumes. Was this a weird prank Tsukishima was trying to pull?

“It means that none of the Hanahaki symptoms occurred.”

It takes a second for it to dawn on Shoyo.

“So no flowers or anything?!”

“No. It was strange. No coughing, no tightness in my chest. If anything, I might have felt happy for Yamaguchi.”

“Well, that’s good!” Shoyo replies. “I mean, it sucks for me because now I’m alone and still don’t know who is the root of Hanahaki for me, but at least you’re not going to die!”

Tsukishima doesn’t respond.

“I haven’t had the symptoms for over two weeks now.”

“What?” 

“The last time I vomited flowers was over two weeks ago. It felt like I was dying that time, so my parents took me to the hospital. After several scans and tests, they forced me to stay there for two weeks to recover.”

“So that’s why you… Wait, why didn’t you tell me sooner?!”

“I didn’t exactly have unfettered access to technology during that time,” Tsukishima snarks.

“And well… There’s this… theory I want to test,” Tsukishima replies slowly. 

Then, as if the words themselves are paining him he says:

“Can I test it out with you now?”

Tsukishima seems nervous, which is very unlike him. It’s off putting and Shoyo responds by backing up a few steps.

“Is it going to hurt?”

“No, it’s supposed to help you. At worst, nothing will happen.”

Shoyo scans Tsukishima’s face for any signs of deceit. He’s not sure what he’s pulling, whether a sick joke or something else, but Shoyo is on high alert. After all, it’s unlike Tsukishima to look so red! 

“Fine, so what is it?”

“Shut up. I’m trying to put it into words.”

This entire situation is too strange. Tsukishima never looks unsure about anything. He’s not the type to do anything without a plan. But as he stands awkwardly right now, hands in his pockets, Shoyo can tell that Tsukishima is playing entirely by ear.

“Oh, forget it!” he finally says as he steps towards Shoyo.

Of all the possibilities Shoyo could have imagined, Tsukishima kissing him on the lips wasn’t one of them. The first thought he manages to string together is that Tsukishima’s lips are soft and taste a bit like citrus. It’s not wholly unpleasant.

The next thought is a bit more instinctual. 

He pushes Tsukishima away as he falls to all fours. He retches on the ground before an efflux of leaves and flowers comes out. He can feel it sliding out from his throat. It’s painful, especially when he feels the roots start to come loose. When it’s finally done, he can only sit there on the cold ground, heaving. The mass of vegetation on the ground looks disgusting when coated in his body fluids. He tries to convince himself that the mysterious chunks in there are just more plant bits.

It takes him a while longer to realize that Tsukishima’s arms are wrapped around him. As Shoyo sits there trying to collect his breath, he starts to piece together everything that has happened. 

Shoyo stares at the flowers, wet and twisted on the ground. They make for a grotesque bouquet. Many of the blooms are white: he easily recognizes the chrysanthemums and poppies amongst them, the poppies resembling damp crepe paper in their current state. But there’s also several purple ones; there’s a small cluster of flowers that cling to a single stem, hanging upside down. He can also identify, with some difficulty, the irises with their distinctive petals: a yellow center with some white that gives way to the dark purple expanse. Finally, the most notable part of it all isn’t a flower, but a cluster of small leaves: four-leaf clovers.

Shoyo still isn’t exactly a master of the flower language, but spending all that time with Tsukishima paid off for something. It means that all this time...

“It was you?” 

Shoyo’s voice sounds hoarse to his own ears and his throat aches terribly. He practically coughs out his next question.

“When did you figure it out?”

“I didn’t,” Tsukishima says, holding Shoyo tighter. His voice sounds cracked and incredulous. But there’s a hint of giddiness to it that Shoyo swears is contagious.

“I wasn’t even sure you’d feel the same. But I didn’t want you to die without knowing how I felt.”

Shoyo laughs, though it hurts his throat to do so.

“Dramashima!”

“Shut up.”

Shoyo grins. He turns around to face Tsukishima and is taken aback by how red he looks. From his eyes, nose, and cheeks, Tsukishima seems to be blushing all over. It’s a strange look on Tsukishima, puffy eyes and tear tracks. But by the light of the moon, Shoyo can only think of him as breathtaking.

Shoyo really wants to kiss him again. He looks so beautiful and it felt so nice the first time. Well, before the vomiting at least. But his knees are going numb from kneeling on the ground and his throat is parched after spewing out all those flowers.

“Did you have to deal with that too?” Shoyo asks, pointing at the mess on the ground.

“Yeah,” Tsukishima replies, disgust clear on his face. “My mom wasn’t very happy about how I clogged the toilet.”

Shoyo has a snicker at that.

“I’m sure she was even less happy about the whole secret Hanahaki thing.”

Tsukishima just shrugs. 

“Let’s get out of here. I sense we’ve attracted an audience.”

Shoyo looks over Tsukishima’s shoulder to see the heads of Yachi and Yamaguchi pop back into the gym.

Shoyo smiles.

“Can you carry me? I don’t think I can walk…”

Tsukishima rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t hesitate to pick Shoyo up and heft him up on his back. 

“You’re staying the night at my house then. Just don’t get any funny ideas.”

Shoyo just laughs into the crook of Tsukishima’s neck, exhaustion already overcoming him. As he looks up at the night sky, the light of the moon and the stars shining down, Shoyo thinks that he’ll have his first good night of sleep in a long time. 


End file.
